What would you say, if I ask you not to go.
To forget everyone, forget everything, and start over with me.
Would you take my hand, and never let me go.
Promise me you'll never let me go.
This would be the last post for a long, long while.
For the next one month, I have only one priority. And that is,
To deal once and for all, with the curse of the O's levels.Yes, it's a major boost to have a new studying environment exactly a month away from the run-in to a deciding end of a chapter in my life. It's even more comforting to know that the computer would not be in my room, and my lazy bones screams out inconvenience in block letters. 3/4 of thrash accumulated over the past 2 years have been dumped into the dump, leaving behind a stack of notes worth touching on. With the drive of a potentially heartbreaking prelims, I hope the ghost of failure finally do perish.
House-moving is one of the reasons behind the temporary/permanent closure of this blog. Memories aren't too far a step behind. Yeah, penguins are drawing the emo streak out of me.
Yes, I'm a depressed emo kid who can't wait to slit my wrist.
I do need time. For what, I have no idea. There's just this senseless feeling of being lost in a maze, as if my life's been missing something, and there's a gaping wide hole right through my soul. Funny that this absence feels strangely familiar, as in it had been with me for a long time. A long, long time..
So, I'll depart from this blog in a more dignified way.
Goodbye, folks. Goodbye, penguins. Goodbye, world.
On the way home,This car hears my confessions.I think I'll take the long way home.I'm seriously pissed with the radio. Annonymous songs that I used to listen to are being overplayed and it's freaking spoiling the damn song. What was to be a love ballad is now without meaning; like a rose without petals. For heaven's sake, let them pretty things live.
Okay, I shall do my part as a true blogger.
Starting from Friday, I had absolute fun with two diferent groups of friends, that is, N293 and my previous Secondary 1 and 2 class. It was interesting to note that during the trip to East Coast with N293 (which consisted of mostly girls), the atmosphere was so much different from that of my old class's annual barbeque. Imagine the air filled with giggles and laughters, to one filled with that of dark metal music throbbing in the air. Imagine the people in N293 playing strange, funny games and laughing at one another, to that of a group of rowdy boys playing soccer and trying out tricks on one another, with shouts of "Yes!" and groans in the air. Imagine me trying to be a good, good boy in east coast, talking not too little, not too much, and when I was at Steven's, laughing and making fun of my fellow old classmates.
Yes, it was
THAT much of a difference, but what was common was: The company is loveee. <3
(By the way, my score with my old 'rival' Albert is
3-0, yes, let me gloat about it. I nutmegged him three times, heehee.)
And this damp air,
It's fighting my defroster.
My sighs they ring victorious,
And fog this tinted glass.Okay, next was Saturday. Had a whole lot of plans drawn out beforehand, but when the actual day came, I just went for cell group hahaha. Cell group was combined, and as usual, games, messages, and fellowship. Played more games related to the mooncake festival afterwards, and taught Jacqueline a teeny weeny bit of "More Than Words".
Other than church on Sunday, the other amusing thing that happened was the quiz-mania that happened at night. I sent a quiz to some people, and very soon, lots more came back to me, so much so that my computer hung under too much pressure. Fun fun fun. :D
And it's clouded.
And so is my head.And yes, today! Went out with old schoolmates from GESPS and watched "John Tucker Must Die". I'd admit it's worth 7 bucks, but not one cent more. John Tucker's pretty cute actually, haha. I bet if sucha person really exists, the queue for him would have existed too. And I have the song the other Tucker brother sang, haha! Okay, had lunch and bowled at Kim Seng after that.
There you are, what happened the past few days. I'm alive and well, and despite getting quite a disappointing result for English, it wasn't as bad as I had thought it'd be. Now now, I had better be a good boy and touched on a little bit of books.
The hint of these new tears are sharp,
And I try to choke them back.
But it's useless,
I'm useless against them.I'm apologetic that my posts lack appeal now, haha. I'm sorry, must be the revision. Or the weather. Or the keyboard. Maybe the computer? No no,
of course it isn't me. :D
Okay, my dear blog. I'm thinking of shutting you down, really, really soon. If the audience have objections, please don't sue me for murder.
They're beating me with ease.
Happy Birthday. (:It's been one heck of a year.
Thank you for all those messages.
Thank you for that little surprise in cell group.
Thank you for the cards, and the chocolate and the candies.
Thank you for the warmth of a family.
Thank you for going through two years of my life.
Thank you for being listening ears.
Thank you for treating me like a brother.
Thank you for the fun we've had.
Thank you for less quarrels.
Thank you for providing funds for my little gift.
Thank you for being a family despite everything.
Thank you for the chance to be a big brother in this household.
Thank you for giving a whole new lesson on love.
Thank you for making me feel loved, even if it didn't last.
Thank you for being yourself.
Thank you for the memories.
Thank You for the blessings in life.
Thank You for guiding me through ups and downs.
Thank You for the miracles You've worked.
Thank You for your undying love, and for the family I have.
Thank you for the love.---
I carry the things that remind me of you.In loving memory of,The one that was so true.You were as kind as you could be.And even though you're gone,You still mean the world to me.And I know, you're a part of me.And it's your song, that sets me free.I sing it while, I feel I can't hold on.I sing tonight, cause it comforts me.<3
And will you tell all your friends,You've got your gun to my head.This all was only wishful thinking,This all was only wishing thinking.This whole week was really one of the worst periods in life that I had to go through. The disappointment of exams that followed after hard work was hard to swallow. Fatigue burns through the night, waves of hot and cold swirl unseen throughout my body, threatening to wreck havoc. I pull through, alive, but the wounds are deep, scars are inevitable.
What could have been worse?
I lost my wallet today. I had woken up late, and had flew through the streets to the MRT, in relief that I would be late, but not too late. But it hit me when I realise my wallet wasn't with me at Expo. It was then voices of despair spoke, as if to ask whether this was worth it for church. For one Sunday service, I had rushed like there was no tomorrow, all the way down only to find my wallet missing. Those voices, they rang clear in my mind as I walked the lonely road down to Expo Hall 8, and my steps echoed my thoughts.
I found my wallet in the end. It was found in Redhill station, some kind soul returned it to the counter. Before I found it, I was praying hard throughout service, that I would be able to find it today, that my phone would ring and a voice would announce that m wallet had been found. But disappointment lasted the whole service. So I took the train home, my mood was so low I was in the pits.
From the entire service right to the end of the train ride, there was a battle raging throughout my head. That of the devil's, growling and grunting how much church had cost me, how dumb I was, and whether everything was worth what it was now. The second was my voice, torn between whether to give in to the fact that my wallet was gone, or to trust in the Lord. And through the train ride home, I was so pissed at the voice of the devil that I cursed under my breath, and that if this was a game, I'd play through to the end. If my life was to be so miserable now, so be it.
And the third? It was a whisper; a hush, silent whisper, like a faint, gentle howling of the wind through the forest in my ears. "Everything is gonna be alright. Trust me."
Amidst the frustrations, the whisper's was the most silent of the three sides in the battle of the mind. Yet the strength of gentleness swept away brute force of toughness. I got my wallet back in the end, and I had promised before that that if it was found, every single cent is going to offerings next week.
I was so relieved, glad, overjoyed, you name it. My wallet had my IC, and my Ez-link, and my plans of getting a little something for myself would be ruined if I had to have them replaced. What's worse was that if Mum found out, I'd be dead meat, shred and fed to the dogs. I hadn't got permission to leave the house and if this was to happen, that would be the end of me. And most importantly, some of the things in my wallet can never be replaced. A card I received from a special someone on my 12th birthday, my old, yellow and tattered identifiation card of my childhood days, movie ticket of one of the most touching shows I've watched- Click, as well as a receipt from Gelare that contain deep memories of what was before. Such things can never be replaced, they'll be kept close in my heart for ever and ever, and I'm thankful beyond words that my wallet is safely in my hands again.
I shall give all the glory to my God. (:
PS: To some of the people who were unlucky enough to experience a moody me, I apologise from the bottom of my heart. People like Jeffrey and Junle, the latter having to endure some harsh words while on the train back home, Anna who gave me chocolates for encouragement- Thank YOU! (: I love it and I love you as my cell group leader!, Nicolette Ng for a sweet birthday note- Thank you so much, I know my smile wasn't wide enough just now. I promise I'll smile widely at you next time!, Tingzhi, whom I met on the way out of church- I'm sorry I couldn't muster a smile since I was dow in the dumps then, Partner whom I met on the way back- I was listening to you conversing and haha, you made me smile a little from of the way you talk. Thank you! (: , and of course, my dear 'ol N293/N330.
I'll blog again really, really soon. :D
Monday:
(
Emaths Paper 1 & Social Studies)
Why, hello blog. Emaths and Social Studies weren't too bad, but it weren't too good too. Let's just say I made tons of careless, useless mistakes I shouldn't have made and I missed out on a point in the essay. Practically dragged myself home, with the questions swirling all around my head, the "what if-s?" I had done this and that, and the news that I'll have to fork out extra money to get myself a damn phone. Yeah, tough luck, there goes nearly one half of the money I saved over two months. The rain wasn't helping alot, but it did helped to dampen my day even more. I guess I'll take each day as it comes. Toldcha, I haven't got high hopes for prelims despite studying my ass for every night for the past weeks.
Sometimes, I wish I wasn't the weakest in academics among them all. Never felt like that during primary school days. In fact, every major exams were a major breeze for me. Haha, this ain't no breeze now, any 'ol exam paper can sweep me off my feet anytime.
How ya doing in the igloo, penguins? I'll come by every day of this week to blog about exams and how screwed I'm going to get. Yes, and offer you some company. (:
Well, I'm not too excited about tomorrow. Time for Operation-Save-Our-Chemistry.
---
Tuesday:
(
Chemistry Paper 1 & 2)
Just like I thought, I messed up my Chemistry today. I've no one to blame but myself since I chose Physics over Chemistry during the past weeks. But I realise Chemistry is actually easier than Physics as it's just basics memorising skills. So yeah, regrets over regrets. Now it's a do-or-die with Physics.
So I put on a sullen mood today, as the others compared answers excitedly at one corner. Even with the distance seperating us, I still hear unfamiliar chemical names and answer rising above the crowd, with shouts of triumps and relief. And I was there cursing hard that what they considered easy was what I had racked my brains hard over for. For thirty minutes, I sat there and stared into empty space, contemplating over my level of stupidity.
But at least, I've set my sights on getting my Chemistry back on track after this prelims. As much as I hate to say it, finding a JC for the first three months seem further and further a dream.
Thought I heard a faint consolation in my ears on the bus ride home, about how things will end up just fine. Then again, I could be hearing things.
Next up, Geography Elective.
---
Wednesday(
Geography & Chinese Paper 1)
Okay, Geography wouldn't be so screwed had I not missed out on one picture and there goes half of the ten marks for a question. And there I was wondering how little information they gave for a ten marks question when the answer was right in front of me. No idea how well I did, but neither am I in the mood to figure that out.
I'll get through this as quickly as possible.
Anyway, Chinese Paper 1 was resonably well, but considering the previous papers before it, high hopes aren't a possibility. Slowly but surely, exams are entering their climax since we're halfway through them. So I'll do my best for A-Maths tomorrow, grab some afternoon sleep, and stay up for one last night.
I'll learn "In Loving Memory" soon.
For now, Alter Bridge and Finch are the top of my playlist. Weird combination but I couldn't care less.
Haha, I'm told to reply my tags. Okay, hello to the people who still visits this place once in a while. Your visit is greatly appreciated and I hope you derive joy from reading my blog. (despite it being kind of depressing at times) And yes, I'm done replying.
I'll reply more constructivly next time with content. A-maths is flooding my mind now. Yeah, and fatigue too.
---
Thursday(
Amaths Paper 1)
Went to school. Sat for paper. Screwed everything up. Went home. Crestfallen. Slept.
And the sun rose, yet the rays were dark.
---
Friday(
Physics Paer 1 & 2)
Physics was a bitch; I swear I would have plunge a knife into its heart if the opportunity presented itself.
And feast my eyes on the venomous blood that flow especially thick out of damnit Paper 2.
Can't wait for this period of my life to end. The earlier, the better. It's torturous to watch time tick by as you scramble over the questions that determine three months of your future. Right now, I need some sleep that's been lacking for a week now. It'll be over soon. Before the nightmare repeats its vicious cycle all over again.
I dread what is to be two weeks from now.
I'll miss you,I'll kiss you,Give you my coat when you are cold.Haha, I stole this song from Singapore Idol cause it sounded kind of sweet. But still, I rather the Jonathan guy over Paul.
Okay yay, I got tons of new clothes and new songs. Everything's brand new, I'll even have a new home! Is that cool or what. (: I'm a happy kid cause except for academics, I'm coping fine. Even without the absence of some things.. But it's okay! Anyway, music makes the world go round!
I saw Kelly today while rushing to school! And met Qixin the other day at the train station! Okay, I guess Singapore's pretty small. Anyway, either life's revolving ahead of scheldule or everyone's growing up too fast. Haha, but thank God it's just the looks and the heights and all. The people are still the same. <3
Need you,
Feed you,
Even let you hold the remote control.Right, back to the study table. Pretty much given up hope of acheiving an under-15 points score for prelims so I'll just let everything else flow as per normal. Pray for the best, then keep working towards O's. Okay, bye world.
In tribute to one of the truly great men on this earth:
Iconic Aussie wildlife daredevil Steve Irwin has died as he loved living: seeking out the world's most dangerous and exotic creatures in their own domain.For me, Steve Irwin was someone I watched since I was in my primary school days. I remembered watching it with dad on the sofa and with a wide-eyed expression, asking the question millions had asked before me: Is this man invincible or what?
It's not so much as the world missing out on the entertainment this man provides. Yes, he entertains and he entertains well. But it is his passion for wildlife; the animals and reptiles, not forgetting the crocodiles that he never once feared, that made me look up to this man. His enthusiasm was the reason behind his success on national tv. He's someone proud about his job, and he lets his actions do most of the talking. What amazes me most was the way he gets up close to the reptiles with no hint of fear in his eyes, and that to a little kid meant that he is one alive and breathing superhero.
A few years down the road, and out of the blue, disaster struck. Just when everything was going smoothly, something had to happen. It taught me how fragile life is. It taught me that nothing can be taken for granted. Most importantly, it showed that bad things do happen to good people, and most of the time, it's the most unfair of things.
Steve Irwin, a legend and icon in the field he worked in, had passed away.
But he died, as he had loved living. And he left behind a legacy of his own.
Do rest in peace, for you'll always be in our hearts. And yes, the crocodiles' too.
